


Lifeline

by Ruskydoll



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-02 21:39:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8684275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruskydoll/pseuds/Ruskydoll
Summary: Lola Shepard is an asshole, but an asshole with an unrequited crush.





	1. Quite

Shepard sat on her new bed surrounded by data pads, the Illusive Man did not officially request paper work, but old habits die hard. Besides there were explanations to be made as to why she ignored _‘suggested orders’_  to collecting Dr Solus and rushed head first to recruit Archangel, destroying half of Omega in the process and royally pissing off Aria. That was going to be one awkward ass report.

She didn’t actually have any solid reasoning behind her decision. In truth her actions were at least in part guided by childish belligerence, her mother always said that her stubbornness was born before her. She bullishly refused to do as she was told by those without proper authority. She didn’t trust the Illusive Man, it was all too convenient, all too good to be true, and her instincts were screaming at her to disobey. If the Illusive Man insisted that she go get Archangel first, she would have run right past the turian and dived head first into the Quarantine Zone gleefully flipping off the Illusive Man in the process.

Well maybe not right past him. Shepard remembered all too well that somersault her stomach made when he removed his helmet. She picked up the data pad with the ‘Archangel Dossier’ stroking it absent-mindedly with her thumb, contemplating everything that has happened in the past twenty-four hours.

When her and Garrus parted on the Normandy after the Battle of Citadel, she grieved. She snapped at her officers, brushed off Liara’s concerned expressions and locked herself away in her cabin, she acted like a slighted toddler. What was he meant to do? Cling to her leg professing his undying love for her, begging to stay just because she foolishly managed to fall for him head first? When, if she was honest with herself, he has never shown any interest in her, not in that way. Oh he cared, their friendship even caused tensions, talk of preferential treatment and other such nonsense. But the reality was that they just fit together, on missions and off, he made her laugh, and their ridiculous plots always paid off because they just worked. She couldn’t pin point it, but it went beyond explicit trust in each other, beyond respect and even compatible personalities. After a few days of self-indulgent moping she made her decision, she would avoid him, cut ties for a while, hope this crush would atrophy, die, and maybe then she could have her friend back. But as the months flew by, nothing changed, she still spent her spare moments fingers poised over the keys typing out messages she would never send him, wondering where he was, what he was doing. She would get angry at herself, then sad, she would begin typing again, look at it, save in drafts, and throw the data pad against the wall. It was a vicious cycle of never ending torment, well, at least until she died…

The door hissed open, making Shepard snap out of herself.

“Hey” Garrus stood on the threshold, shifting from one foot to the other uncomfortably.

“Hi” she answered, discreetly sliding the ‘Archangel Dossier’ off the bed, she was still unsure of how to act around him. Clearly their separation has done nothing to quell her feelings for him, but there was still nothing to indicate that his feelings changed either. She needed to control herself, even if she could never have him entirely, she still wanted to have her Garrus back, the easy conversation, the inside jokes, the effortless trust, she could at least have that.

He tilted his head to the side, observing her with vague confusion “What are you doing?”

“Paper work, what does it look like I’m doing?” his question took her of guard.

“On the bed?” he lifted a brow plate, making her smile, it was such a familiar gesture, one that she taught him.

“Oh, well, I’ve never had a bed this big before, the Alliance doesn’t tend to offer luxury accommodation” she answered with tinge of embarrassment, he was right there was a huge desk just to the left of her “I used to do homework on mum’s bed, whilst she worked, it’s…”

“Comforting?” he offered.

“Yeah” she turned her face away from him.

“Need a hand?” he took a step inside the cabin.

“With what?” she narrowed her eyes at him, trying to work out why exactly he showed up at her cabin unannounced.

“Paperwork Shepard…” his expression was difficult to read, she was just about getting the hang of it on the previous Normandy, but things have changed in two years. Garrus no longer looked at her with the same naively adoring eyes, his gaze were hardened by the pain of Omega, he looked tired, older than the idealistic turian she ran with after Saren.

“Right yes” she flailed totally unbalanced by his presence “Do you want to take the desk?”

Another raised brow, as he strode deeper into the room. When he reached the bed he carefully shifted the debris and sank beside her onto the bed. Shepard inhaled sharply, she wasn’t expecting him to be so close to her so soon, panic rose in her and she hastily shuffled away from him to the other end of the bed.

“You know I only bite if you ask me nicely?” he laughed.

“Just making room Vakarian” she bit, he was definitely not helping her resolve.

“Yes Ma’am!” he saluted and smiled in earnest, making Shepard laugh.

“I’ve missed you” the words came tumbling out from her before she could stop them.

“Oh” he hesitated, eyes widening in shock “I’ve missed you too Commander”

Shepard stiffened, it felt like someone dumped cold water on her, he wouldn’t even call her by her name, the feeling of bitter disappointment washed over her. Just because the last two years didn’t happen to her, doesn’t mean they didn’t happen to him. This was never going to be easy.

Shepard reached behind her and slid a data pad across the bed “Look for references of Collector encounters. Start with Omega Nebula and then expand” her voice was cold, the commanding officer took over.

“Sure” he blinked bewildered at the change in her.

They worked together in silence for a while, only speaking to ask for something or other. Shepard couldn’t help but steal furtive glances at him. He really has changed over the past two years, he was broader now, less ungainly, he held himself with more confidence. His movements became smoother, more graceful, she watched mesmerised as his fingers dance across the data pad with incredible speed. 

“You okay?” he suddenly asked as she watched him entranced.

“Yeah, just curious if you’ve found anything?” she lied, whilst her insides squirmed with guilt at being caught.

“There is something here but, hold on, I need something else first” Garrus reached across the bed towards her, Shepard jerked so violently out of the way that she almost fell off the bed.

Garrus froze with his arm outstretched, staring at Shepard with a dark expression “Care to explain why you keep freaking out every time I get anywhere near you?”

“I am not!” she protested weakly.

“Right…” he withdrew his arm without retrieving whatever he needed.

“What do you need?” she asked quietly.

“The other data pad, the one you threw under the bed when I walked in” he wouldn’t look at her, his eyes defiantly focused on the screen.

Shepard swallowed, and without a word turned to retrieve the device from the floor. She was angry with herself, she seriously needed to get a grip, needed to stop over reacting she was a grown ass woman! Her hands were shaking badly as she leant over the side of the bed, her fingers slipped on the sheets and she began falling forward.

Garrus launched himself towards her and arrested her fall inches from the floor, he hauled her up and dropped her on his lap.

“Seriously Lola, for a bad ass commando and a spectre, you are hopeless” he laughed, his face inches away from her, subharmonics rumbling against her back.

Shepard couldn’t breathe, she has never been this close to him before, her mind was racing, rationality was waging a bloody war on her urges. She wanted to lean into him in that moment, to reach out and cradles his ruined mandible in her hand, but her mind screeched at her to stop, to back away, to stop before she ruined the fragile connection they have managed to restore.

She forced a smile and marshalled herself enough to gently disentangle from him and slide back onto the bed “That’s why I keep you around”

“Did you at least grab the data pad?” his subharmonics rumbled with amusement.

“Define grab?” she relaxed, catching her breath.

“That’s a no then” Garrus smiled, leaning over her, reaching for the data pad.

“Yes” her voice came out breathy but she controlled her body enough to stopped herself from jerking out of the way again.

When he resurfaced data pad in hand she didn’t move away, but he didn’t move closer to her either.

She sighed half in relief half in defeat. It had to be this way, they were friends nothing more. She needed to learn this, hammer it home, ignore her racing heart every time he looked at her. This love thing needed to die, and Shepard was going to bury it with vengeance.


	2. Calibrate This!

“Garrus, on your three!” the shot rung out before he reacted, the vorcha screamed and fell from the platform into the bowels of Omega.  

“Dude, concentrate!” Shepard snapped down the comms whilst reloading her rifle. 

“Despite what you have been led to believe **Commander** , I don’t have eyes on the side on my head!” Garrus growled back. 

“You are getting sloppy Archangel, apex predator my ass” she sneered in reply “Despite what **you** have been led to believe, I need you, a ship needs a Second-in-Command, and I prefer mine without holes in his head!”

“If you insist charging head first with nothing but a rifle like a woman possessed, someone has to keep your ass from getting shot to hell!” the turian jeered. 

“Are you two done?” Miranda’s cold voice cut through the bickering “They are dead, move on. And for the record, I am you Second-in-Command” 

“Pfft, keep dreaming sunshine” Shepard holstered the Mantis “It will be a cold day in hell when you will be my 2IC.”  

Miranda glared, Shepard returned the stare with vehemence. Garrus rolled his eyes and walked past both posturing women. 

“The power is restored, let’s grab Dr Solus and get the hell of this forsaken rock” 

“I can get behind that one” Shepard broke eye contact first and flashed a warm smiled at him. 

Garrus walked past her without returning the gesture. Shepard felt crest fallen, it has been like this ever since they left the Normandy. Sure she dragged him into a Plague pit, but what was she meant to do, bring Jacob?! Taking Miranda was bad enough, she needed someone she trusted explicitly, and only one man came to mind. Besides she wanted him as close as possible for entirely selfish reasons. In her mind she listed all the reasons as to why he should stay behind, his injuries, his susceptibility to the virus and notably the one where they are meant to be ‘just friends’. But Shepard was extraordinarily good at lying to herself, he was her 2IC, she needed his expertise and skill, no one could do the job but Garrus. She silenced the voice of truth, it sighed and crawled back exhausted into the dark hole it came from.  

“You coming?” Garrus called out impatiently over the shoulder, she wasn’t aware that she stopped watching him walked away. The sense of loss was tangible. 

* * *

“I’m more interested in just talking for a bit” Lola lent back on the console, watching Taylor. 

He raised an eyebrow at her tone, thus far he has only heard her issue orders, and tell Cerberus to which corner of hell to go. This was different, she sounded, hell she sounded sensual. 

“Is there something specific or are you just checking in?” Jacob watched her every movement, unsure what exactly was happening. 

Shepard was highly amused by the whole situation, she needed a release, a distraction from the corrosive thoughts in her head. Jacob seemed like the perfect candidate, she chewed and spat out men like him before, his flailing and confusion was adding to the wicked pleasure. 

“I like to know my crew. Forget procedure. Tell me about yourself” she purred. 

“Informal, huh?” he crossed his arms across his chest, trying to defend himself against her “It’s all in the file” 

“Read it, you look like you came through no worst for wear” she let her gaze slide slowly across his entire body. 

“Most of us didn’t get a Cerberus rebuild. They outdid themselves with you…” he return the look, sending  pleasant shivers down her limbs, she shifted on the spot curving her back and smiling seductively at him.

“Ahem, I think we need to keep focused on the missions, Commander.”  Jacob’s eyes widened at the gesture. 

“Alright, get back to you duties Jacob” Lola didn’t let the predatory smile go, appraising him with her eyes before walking out. 

This was going to be fun. She wasn’t planning on letting it get anywhere serious, just harmless fun. She was going to make that perfectly clear next time the topic came up, and then maybe if he was still interested, he could scratch that nagging itch of hers. 

* * *

As she walked through the CIC she could feel Kelly’s eyes on the back of her head. She felt bad about that one. Chambers was sincere, idealistic and a good kid. Shepard did not intend to mess with her head, but she was so warm when they first met, she couldn’t help but return the sentiment, Shepard felt so alone, she latched on to any kindness. Now it seems the yeoman has got other ideas about the Commander. Lola took a mental note to let her down gently. Jacob could handle her, he served, he knew the rules, but Kelly was a civilian, the Alliance trysts were probably not in her repertoire. 

She made her way up to the Crew Deck. She has spoken to everyone by now, discussing the acquisition of Mordin and what to do next, but thus far she avoided the Battery. Usually she made a daily pilgrimage to see Garrus, harking back to their days spent on the old Normandy. She used to perch atop the Mako whilst he worked, they would strategize, talking to him always helped her clear her head, he played Devil’s Advocate with her putting their actions in perspective, making her see what needed to happen next. Sometimes Tali would join them, on more than one occasion they would talk for so long they forgot themselves, and realise that it was deep into the night cycle only when Tali would slide sideways of the Mako asleep. Garrus would carry her back to the sleeping quarters, continuing his conversation with Lola in hushed whispers so as not to disturb the quarian. 

Now the prospect of coming face to face with him seemed like the worst idea ever. Lola stopped outside the battery door and inhaled deeply before opening the door, bracing herself for what was to come. 

Garrus was working, his back toward the door.

“Shepard, need me for something?” he spoke without turning to look at her, his voice wasn’t cold but neither did he seem ecstatic at her presence. 

Not for the first time she took a little longer to answer, admiring the way his hands glided over the console, she wanted to peak at what he was doing but thought better of it, their relationship was even more tenuous than it was 2 days ago. She was determined to find out why. Whilst their encounter at her cabin was awkward it soon settled into a familiar pattern, they worked on the reports, laughed and reminisced, he told her about his squad and she caught him up on the last 6 months on the Normandy. It was muted compared to their old interactions but she wasn’t expecting even that after two years apart. But something changed in the Quarantine Zone and she was determined to find out what, and hopefully make amends. 

“Have you got a minute?” she feigned casualness, her heart hammering at what was to come. The dread has become physical and she gripped her own hands behind her back. 

“Can it wait for a bit? I am in the middle of some calibrations” he finally turned to look at her. 

“What?” she balked. 

“Calibrations Shepard. Whoever made the original adjustment had two left hands” his expression was not a happy one, he seemed eager to get away. 

“You don’t want to talk to me because you **want** to work?” she blinked at him in utter amazement. 

“Yes. Unlike some people, I take my job seriously.” he frowned, crossing his arms over his body. 

“I don’t like your tone Vakarian, what are you implying?” the situation was quickly spiralling, rage reared its ugly head and she couldn’t help but snap at him. 

“I am sorry Ma’am” his voice was even but the subharmonics betrayed his own fury “I did not meant to imply, I am simply stating that whilst you are running around trying to bed your Cerberus crew, I am the only one looking after the Normandy” 

Lola’s jaw dropped, she blinked at him trying to process his words.

“Who I am trying or not trying to sleep with has absolutely zero to do with you. Who do you think you are?” Lola shot him a withering look.    

Garrus stood his ground, staring her down “You are absolutely correct Commander, it has nothing to do with me. If you excuse me, I have things to do” 

And with that he turned away from her and went back to his console, ignoring her completely. 

Shepard was shaking, the caustic rage was pounding through her, she wanted to deck him. Instead she took a deep breath and walked out of the Battery. 

When the door shut behind her, she leant heavily against the wall, trying to control her breathing. Closing her eyes she begun sliding down the wall, hugging herself round the middle. 

“Is everything okay Commander?” a hapless Cerberus lackey asked in a concerned voice. 

“Fuck off” she bit back. 


	3. Expressions

“Kasumi, Mordin, you’re up, gear up, meet me at the shuttle in five″ Lola rubbed her exhausted eyes with the back of her hand.

She was met by a stunned silence as the crew stood frozen staring at the Commander.

“Why the hell are you all looking at me like that? Did the translators break again? Did I pass out for a bit and dreamt the order??”

“No Sheps, loud and clear. It’s just…” Kasumi ventured. She was the newest dossier they picked up, and unlike the others she agreed with only a few strings attached. She was also one of the few who had the balls to speak to Lola this way.

“A word” Garrus cut off Kasumi, stepping up to Shepard, leaning down to her level.

She closed her eyes for a second and shook her head in dismay.

“We don’t have time”

“Please Shepard” the tone of his voice made her look up. He towered over her, seven feet to her 5′3, he made threatening look effortless, but his current expression was nothing short of pleading.

“Fine, you have five minutes” she looked deeply into his eyes trying to work out what he wanted, they swirled with concern, a new softness she has never seen before. It made her stomach contract painfully.

“You two, meet me in ten” she spoke to the others without breaking eye contact with Garrus, too lost to notice the raised eyebrows.

* * *

 

“What do you want?” Lola’s voice was full of childish belligerence, she crossed her arms in front of her, sliding into a churlish slump.

“I’m sorry Shepard” he watched his own hands rather than her.

“What for?” she blinked at him, an apology was just about the last thing she expected.  

“Being an ass. It was unnecessary, you’re completely right, what you do in your spare time has nothing to do with me. I’m just still getting used to you working with Cerberus and fraternising...” he flexed his fingers experimentally, examining the cracks in the leather of his gloves “From here on, I will stay out.”

“I am hardly fraternising with them” Lola softened but the bullish desire to stay mad lingered “But fine, apology accepted.”

She pointedly turned on her heels to go, when he caught her by the hand, sending electricity shooting through her fingers, her breath caught as it sparked its way through her.

“Don’t leave me behind” he breathed out.

She forgot her own name, the subtle change in the cadence of his voice from awkward embarrassment to desperation froze her to the spot, stripping away the last shreds of her hostility.

“Look Shepard, I know you’re angry. You have every right to be. But I will be damned before I let you walk into a high security prison run by Blue Suns, alone” Garrus gently pulled her towards him, turning her to face him.

“Your confidence in me is inspiring Garrus” she smiled weakly, acutely aware that he had not let her hand go. Lola frantically tied to read his face, his eyes were gentle, but his mandibles were set hard and flush against his face. Why didn’t turians come with damn manuals, it was infuriating. Her mind was spinning, what the hell did this mean? Why was he suddenly holding her hand like it was normal? Maybe he wasn’t aware of what this was doing to her, just a way to make her to listen.

“I trust you, I just don’t trust anyone else. Last time I looked away, you died.” he gave a short bitter laugh.

“Correction, almost died” the part of her brain that made stupid happen kicked in. But Garrus smiled.

“Semantics. Look Shepard, I’d just feel better” he squeezed her hand in his “Indulge me? For old time sake?”

“You know that’s favouritism?” she smirked returning the pressure.

“Sorry, didn’t quite get that? I’m your favourite now?” he let her go, spreading his arms out in mock confusion.

“One and only” she rolled her eyes, exaggerating only a little “Now come on, I have to come up with an excuse to drag you along, without it looking like I caved to your irresistible charm.”

“Irresistible huh?” he quirked a brow plate in amusement.  

“Oh shut up, and move before I change my mind” Shepard walked out laughing.


	4. Habits

****

“That went well…” Kasumi swung a leg off the table. 

“Yes, quite” Lola pursed her lips stirring the coffee.

“I take it you go back a while?” she tilted her head to the side. 

“Why are you on the table? Its unhygienic” Shepard refused to engage. It was bad enough that she was just bitched out by Ash, lost the colonists and got just about nowhere. It was also early morning, she most certainly did not need this.

“Aw Sheps, come on. Just being friendly here” Kasumi trilled “Give up your wicked secrets, you know I won’t leave it alone until you tell me”

“Fine” Lola rolled her eyes surrendering, it would be over faster if she just told her “Ashely Williams was my Gunnery Chief on the Normandy. The old Normandy. We were close, now she doesn’t trust me. And I cannot say I blame her.” 

“Seems a little over-dramatic to me, but okay” Kasumi swiped the plate of toast with lightning speed. 

“Can I at least have the peanut butter?” Shepard frowned at the now empty table “And you do know we work for Cerberus right? The bad guys and all that” 

“Oh please, like the Alliance is nothing but bunnies and rainbows” she threw the jar at Lola who caught it mid-air. 

“Nice catch! The Alliance school Cerberus in the ways of the asshole. They just cover their tracks better, but it’s all there”

Lola shot her a withering look “The Alliance has it’s flaws but they don’t torture people, look at Jack, how is any of that normal?”

“That you know of anyway” she snorted. 

“Kasumi, I woke up like 20 minutes ago, can we cool it with the conspiracy theories until at least mid day?” she took advantage of moment and swiped the plate back “Thank you!”

“Ay ay Captain!” Kasumi saluted “Alright this Ashely, was she like your Second-In-Command?” 

“Morning” Garrus’ gruff voice made her look up. 

Shepard nodded in his direction and thrust a mug at him without taking her attention from Kasumi. The Turian grabbed the coffee without saying a word and continued on his way.

“I suppose? I didn’t really have a 2IC then. We were just close.” 

“I find _that_ hard to believe” Kasumi followed Garrus’ progress through the mess hall with interest. “He always this attentive in the morning?” 

“Who?” Lola looked around confused. 

“Garrus, the big turian shaped thunder cloud floating toward the Battery. You just gave him coffee?” Kasumi gestured with her head. 

“Oh” Shepard smiled indulgently as the door closed behind him “Yeah, its best to leave him the hell alone first thing, his personality needs time to reboot”

“Charming” Kasumi frowned. 

“Isn’t he just” Shepard laughed. 

“You know, I could have sworn...” Kasumi begun but was cut off by the shrill beeping of EDI’s alarm. 

“Shepard, the Krogan you picked up is showing strong life signs, perhaps it will be prudent to visit?” the AI asked. 

“It’s 9 am, why does everyone want something from me already” Shepard grumbled “Fine, I’ll go down and see our new baby. But if he imprints and call me Mama, there will be hell to pay. I didn’t sign up for this bullshit” 

* * *

 

The Krogan in the tank was nothing like she has ever seen. You couldn’t exactly call him a baby, he was a size of a small rhino, probably stronger still. But he lacked certain features which she has come to recognise as Krogan. His skin looked smoother, more vibrant and the head crests lay flat along the skull. Of course none of this made him look any less threatening. 

At the moment, the Krogan floated quite peacefully in his tank, Lola could have mistaken him for dead were it not for the gentle rising and falling of his chest. 

“EDI, any recommendations?” Shepard carefully examined the clasps keeping the tank in check. 

“The subject is stable, the integration with on board systems was seamless” EDI answered. 

“That is? No smart ass comments?” she looked up at the ceiling in surprise. 

“No, I have no data aside from the life signs, the krogan is a total unknown.” 

“Fine. I’m opening it” Lola sighed in resignation, fuck it, what was the worst that could really happen?

Famous last words, she thought as the fluid drained from the tube and the Krogan fell forward hacking water. 

Will lightning reflexes he was upon her, pinning her to the nearest crate. 

“Human, female, marked, squishy...” his giant arm pushed against Shepard’s wind pipe. 

“Name?” the Krogan barked. 

“I am Commander Shepard, I suggest you let me go immediately” Shepard rasped. 

“Not yours, mine! I am trained, I know things but...” he said “Warlord, legacy, grunt... grunt...’Grunt’ was amongst the last. It has no meaning. It will do’ 

“I am Grunt. If you are worthy of your command, prove it and try and destroy me” 

“Why does everyone want me to kill them, why does no one just want to go for play catch or something, this is getting dull” she spoke to no one in particular, Grunt blinked at her with confusion. 

“Without a reason that is mine, one fight is good as any other” he increased the pressure on her wind pipe, making her cough. 

“I took you, and I released you. Follow my command and you’ll have purpose” Lola spat, putting as much venom behind her words. If there was one thing she knew, it was not to show Krogan your weakness, or the fact that he was slowly crushing the life out of you. They could smell chinks in the armour. 

“My enemies threaten Galaxies, everyone on this ship have earned their place” 

“Hum.. thats...” she could see his brain working. 

“Put her down” Jacob’s voice rung out through the hold “I will not hesitate!” 

“Huh?” the Krogan turned to look at the new comer, releasing his hold on Shepard in the process. 

“I had this under control, you know...” Lola whined.

Grunt looked back at her, finally noticing Shepard’s outstretched arm and the gun trained on his abdomen. 

Shepard frowned holstering the firearm, whilst Jacob looked dutifully ashamed of himself. 

“I just... Kelly came running in, saying you went alone to deal with the Krogan and I... “ Jacob trailed off. 

“Will you join?” she turned back to the krogan. 

“You have shown resolve, I will follow” the krogan nodded. 

“And you, Prince Charming on a white horse” she spoke to Jacob “Never underestimate me, usually ends badly.” 

“Yes Ma’am” he saluted. 

“And don’t salute. Come with me instead” a wicked smile crossed her face. The adrenaline pumping through her veins was exhilarating, she wanted to laugh at the pure joy of the feeling. But something nagged at her, why did it have to be Jacob. She pushed the thought aside and walked out of the hold, she knew the Cerberus officer was following, she could feel his eyes on her lower back. She smirked and took the elevator to the loft. 


End file.
